Thu, Mar 19, 2015

This is a very hard admission for me. I covet. Everyday, several times a day. Not so much what others posess, but I covet what they achieve.

When I hear a writer friend just signed a new book contract and my most recent manuscript was rejected, my first thought isn't, "Good for them!" It's, "What? They got a contract and I didn't!" I know, it's petty. It is small-minded, jealous and frankly, stupid... but it is the sad, embarrassing truth. What makes this fault especially shameful for me, is that my friends are 'Catholic' writers. Their work will encourage and help many others on their faith journey. Yet, there it is.

My sinfulness is not limited to book contracts either. Although I have a desire for everyone to become holy and grow in faith, when I see someone (I have struggled with) surpassing me in holiness, I'm intimidated. I should rejoice, but there is a part of me that is upset. Why?

Simple answer; I'm human. I am working hard with the grace of God (most visable to me through frequent confession) to overcome these shortcomings. As they say in Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step to overcoming is to admit that you have a problem. I do. I have a problem of jealousy, and pride. Yikes. That hurt.

I'm hoping by putting this out there I will be accountable and I will covet one more thing actively... your prayers. Please. God bless.